Acting as a Partner

How to have a healthy relationship with Acting:

1. Imagine your Acting career is a person.
2. Describe how that person makes you feel.
3. Identify how you can change your part in this relationship.

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Have you ever thought of Acting as a person you have a relationship with? Like a lover or a partner? How would you describe your relationship?

Usually it seems that we enable Acting to be the narcissistic, self-indulgent, hot shot who melts us with a smile and then turns around and starts flirting with the hottest kid in school. We allow it to have its way with us and then we stand aside and watch it ignore us, desperately waiting until it decides to warm us again with its feckless arms. We perceive Acting as intriguing, enigmatic, mysterious, and the very fact that its attention seems elusive drives us to keep trying to hold on. So we excuse its bad behavior and we allow ourselves to be walked over in the hopes that we may in fact gain their undying love. We think they will change and we are steadfast in our belief that they will one day see what we truly mean to them.

This is all an illusion. The reality is that this is a bad relationship. In fact, it could be termed an emotionally abusive relationship.

And it leaves us feeling spineless and pathetic and then we get more needy and demand more attention or huddle up into a ball and cry.

This is absolutely no way to maintain or sustain a lifelong career!

So do something about it. Pronto!!

Get out of that relationship.

I’m not saying dump Acting – but it’s time to seriously overhaul your perspective. We place so much expectation on this partner, we think so much of our happiness and fulfillment is dependent on it. But nobody wants full responsibility for someone else’s happiness. If you expect someone else to make you happy, you will inevitably experience resentment, disappointment and insecurity, because it’s never enough and it’s never in exactly the right way. And you know what?

Your happiness is your job. Yours!

The fuller you are with your life, the more attractive you are.

The more interested you become in your life, the more interesting you become.

You do not need Acting to make you a better, more lovable, more interesting person. You do not need it as a badge to prove that you are worthy or talented.

Acting is a creative form. But LIFE is the source of all creativity.

Through Acting you can channel the magnitude of your imagination and shape the depth of your feeling.

But in LIFE you feed your imagination and discover your feelings.

In LIFE you will find your worth, your value, your drive, your….mojo.

AND YOU NEED YOUR MOJO.  You’re OWN mojo.

You need to have your own identity, your own interests, a sense of self-worth independent from your partner.

Heck, it’s just like in an acting scene. You absolutely focus on your partner, but you must also know how you feel, what you think, and what you desire. If you don’t, your scene falls flat.

Acting is like a partner. So if you’re looking for a long-term, fulfilling relationship with Acting, act like a partner.

How to Act Better:

1. Know that you are utterly UNIQUE
2. Remember that we are all in this TOGETHER
3. Learn to keep LEARNING

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I came across a bright pink sticky note marking a passage from an article I had read a few months ago. I believe it is well worth sharing.  Although screenwriter J. Michael Straczynski is referring to his experience in the world of writing, what he says is completely translatable in to the world of acting:

“The problem is that often writers think we’re all in competition with each other, which can lead them to be awkward when someone else does well, but I’ve never believed that. We each represent a unique point of view; we each stand on a piece of ground occupied by no one else in the world. No one else can tell a “fill in the name” story like “fill in the name” can. But not everyone perceives that, and that is unfortunate.

Then there are some people who, the more they accomplish, the louder they get. I was that way at the start, desperate to convince people that I had done what it takes. In later years, particularly the aftermath of Changeling, I’ve gotten quieter and calmer, more at rest in how I relate to people. I put all that misspent energy into challenging myself creatively, looking for new techniques and experimenting in new forms.

Every day I discover something new about storytelling or acquire a new tool for the toolbox. And that’s really the key metaphor: When you start out as a writer, at most you have a screwdriver and a rusty pair of pliers in your toolbox, and there are only so many things you can build with them, and only to a certain minimal level of quality. If you pay attention, if you work at your craft, you begin to acquire more tools that allow you to make a more diverse range of things with greater finesse and skill.

But those tools don’t just come to you unbidden: You have to listen and look for them and be open to new tools even if they scare you.

…When someone hires you to write a script, they are paying you a compliment of unimaginable proportion. They are paying you to make black marks on a piece of paper. They’re saying, “Here’s a bucket of money…tell us a story.” If you can find something more amazing than that, let me know….”

- Creative Screenwriting (November 2009, Vol.16, No. 6)

Mr. Straczynski says it like it is.

We are all unique, and no journey is ever the same. So why try to emulate some one else’s path and why resent them for the choices they make? Focus on your own path, discover it, take chances, and take leaps of faith. Get involved in your own journey.

We are all in it together. So why not find, create, and promote community. We actors spend a lot of time off on our own when not working on projects. So why not get out there, spend time with your colleagues and friends. Learn from each other, support each other. Go get basket of fries and shoot the breeze.

When someone experiences accomplishments and success, they should be able to share these things, not worry about being greeted with resentment, and envy.

But resentment and envy come from dissatisfaction in one’s own life. What can you do about that?

Be proactive in your own life and (yes, you’ve heard me say this before) create the life you want.

Make choices and take action.

Find your way to process, and learning, and growth.

This will keep you active, engaged, stimulated, and excited about things in your life…as opposed to sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, jealous about your friend, and wasting your life away in negativity…I mean really, who wants to do that?

Not you?

Ok!

Then do something about it – because the more Action you take in your Life, the more Life you bring to your Acting.

How To Be Ready for The Next Audition

1. Practice and train your voice.
2. Practice and train your body.
3. Practice and train your mind.

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With the recent attention on athletes I can’t help but remember an acting teacher from my past. She used to say to us that to be actors, we must train like athletes.

Athletes spend hours, days, months and years preparing for their moment in the spotlight. They do not coast on their basic abilities and raw talents. These things help them along but they are not the reason these athletes excel. Not at all. It is the athlete’s steely determination, their focus, their dedication and their tenacity that drives them to the summit of their athletic achievements. It is their commitment to practice, their commitment to being prepared that carries them to the top.

In many ways our acting world is not unlike the world of athletics. There are many easy distractions, there is the fear of failure, and the competition is always fierce.

The difference is that everything in our field is last minute and subject to change. There is no set date for the race that we run. We live in anticipation of the unknown.

When will my agent call with an audition?

When will I find out what time my audition is?

When will I find out that I got a callback?

When will I find out if I got the job?

When will my wardrobe call be?

When will my pick up time be?

When will I find out if I’m in the next episode?

When will my agent call with another audition?

And yet, we have to breathe life in to someone else’s concept, create a world out of someone else’s words, and live from our heart and soul at any given moment.

How does one prepare for these unknown moments that await us? By starting with that which is tangible: voice, body and mind.

Train your voice.

Practice your breath work.

Exercise and stretch your body.

Practice concentration and focusing the mind.

Practice. Practice. Practice. And do it Regularly.

It’s a lot to ask, I know. But it will make all the difference. When your agent calls with an audition in two days for a regular role on the new tv show in town, you will be miles ahead of the average actor. Your voice, body and confidence will be ready to go. Your mind will be able to focus on bringing the character to life. You will be prepared, confident, capable and focused. You will be ready to master your task:

The task of creating a compelling human being from the depths of your soul.

Dedicate yourself to your work. Set aside a certain amount of time each week for your practice. If you want to be an actor, then be an actor and do the work.

Don’t just wait for race day, be prepared for it.

How to Exercise Your Creativity

We all know that exercise is important, and that a good mix of cardio, strength training and flexibility is optimal for a balanced exercise program. Would you be surprised if I told you that endurance exercise in particular is important for you as an actor?

It turns out that aerobic exercise is especially beneficial for exercising the creative part of our mind. The left side of your brain is the logical, organized, problem solving part of your brain. The right side of your brain is the center of creativity and intuition. When you exercise slowly but for longer periods of time, a long slow run for example, you allow your left brain to turn off and your right brain free reign to roam.

Let me give you an example.

This year I set two major goals for myself: one creative and one physical. The creative goal is to write a book. The physical goal is to run the marathon I’ve been talking about running for years. Both ambitious goals. Am I setting myself up for failure or is there a logic to this madness?

Research has shown that your creative potential is higher after moderate exercise, in particular low level endurance activity in which your mind can wander. In a study done at Rhodes Island University in 2005, the creativity of test subjects was examined without and after moderate aerobic exercise. Those who performed the exercise showed significant increase in their creative state.

I wasn’t aware of this bonus when I set my goals. As I incorporated my long runs into my  training program – runs where I’m going much more slowly than my usual pace and for significantly longer distances – I found that my mind wandered and got particularly creative. Now, I use my runs as fabulous tools to combat any moments of writers block.

And let’s not forget the rush of endorphins that result from long distance aerobic activity as well. That “runner’s high” you might have heard of that’s the result of hormone-like substances produced in the brain that function as the body’s own natural pain-killers and can lead to feelings of euphoria. Euphoria is a fast track to creativity, wouldn’t you say?

So if you’re having trouble getting inspired, or you feel stumped on how to approach your character or your  just stressed out about the fact that you have one night to turn a mass of words into something meaningful why not get yourself out the door. Go do some nice, easy, long endurance exercise: a long bike ride, a hike, a long slow run, or whatever your exercise of choice may be.

Not only will you be exercising your body, but also the creative part of your mind.

How to Achieve the Ultimate Actor’s Body Through Food

1. Remove refined sugars, processed foods and as many packaged foods as you can from your daily food intake, and replace with wholesome, healthier alternatives.
2. Eat things that are as close to their natural state as possible.
3. Watch the fruits of your labor: better energy, better skin, balanced weight.

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What you eat enables you to function. So it makes sense that you are what you eat.

So what does that make YOU?

An Actor who is part of the fast-food chain?

An Actor who is considered easy, fast and cheap?

An Actor with no real substance? (Please say no.)

It makes you think doesn’t it.

What we eat shows in our bodies, inside and out. I worry about my weight, my skin, and my over all appearance. How can I not? As an Actor it is near impossible not to worry about these things to some degree. What we look like is a big part (like it or not) of what we are selling. We are our product.

So the question is how do we improve our packaging? There are three key ingredients that will immediately create a New and Improved quality:

Regular Exercise

Good Sleep

Real Food

Real Food. I am a little obsessed with this one these days. Let me tell you why.

It all started about a year ago. My husband began reading about food. He read books about how various animals are bred, fed and farmed. He read books about how and why vegetables have changed in size and nutritional value over the years (money and politics). He read books about why industrial corn (it’s chemical by-products) is found in practically everything that is packaged (money and politics). He read books about why processed foods exist (money and politics). He continues to read everything about how our food comes to be.

What started as summer reading has become a lifelong goal and has dramatically changed our lives. We now eat whole foods, as much local and organic as we can, and have seriously cut down on refined sugars. The differences we’ve felt in mind, body and soul are incredible: I have better stamina through the day with no afternoon slump, my skin is clearer and softer, I tend to be less moody and irritable, and I am at a healthy, easily sustainable weight. (And yes, I still enjoy treats.)

See, you don’t need to repackage yourself…just make sure the ingredients are high quality.

Think about how this translates into every day living, into minimizing our carbon footprints, and even into our Auditions and acting work.

The best part? You can start this change all by yourself. I swear. No gadgets, no powders, no supplements. “How?” you ask. Just read an article, or pick up a book.  And then read another. And another. EDUCATED EATING changes our understanding of the most basic necessity for life. Eating for your body begins by educating yourself about where your food comes from.

It’s that simple…and interesting!

Educate yourself and choose how you want to feed yourself. Trust me, if you read some of the stuff we’ve been reading, you can’t help but change your food choices. Some of the things that happen to our foods before we put it in our mouths are morally wrong and some of them are absolutely disgusting .

So why finance pharmaceutical agendas and “cheap and easy” politics?

Why not support the struggling, local farmers who offer unprocessed and non-altered foods.

Why not go to the market and get fresh vegetables and meats, and raw, unprocessed honey or maple syrup.

Why not experiment and try out good whole foods for a few weeks  and see what happens.

Why not ask about the real, fundamental differences between organic and non-organic.

Why not learn about what you’re actually putting in your mouth and  inside your body, and make an educated choice.

Knowledge is power, they say. So why not empower yourself with the information to make that choice. Seriously, WHY NOT.

Our bodies are all we have in this lifetime. There is no warranty and no money back. This vessel is it. And the Actor that eats real food glows with HEALTH radiates ENERGY, CONFIDENCE and WELL BEING. Who doesn’t want to work with that?

Educate yourself about food, make choices and change how you feel about yourself. The first step in taking care of our Actor Selves is by feeding our bodies responsibly.

So fuel up on information on how to feed your Actor Self and eat!  Eat well.

How to Stop Waiting:

1. Identify feeling unsatisfied, helpless, frustrated, and that nothing seems to be happening.
2. Make a list of things you could do such as -  administrative tasks, physical activities, artistic projects, and acting, voice or movement practice.
3. Pick one thing and DO IT!

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Waiting sucks.
It does.
It leaves you in a kind of limbo. The only way for the situation to change is if someone shows up or something comes along.

You’re up on a wall with no way down. You feel helpless.
Sound familiar?
This is a situation in which we actors put ourselves, way too often.
So I ask you…why wait?

You heard me: why wait?
You do have a choice here. Really.

You can wait for that phone call from your agent, or you could call your agent and tell them about the acting class you’re taking.
You can wait for a job to appear, or you could get together with friends and read a play aloud.
You can watch re-runs on TV, or you could rent that classic movie you’ve never gotten around to seeing.
You can hang out with a friend in a diner, or you could check out an art gallery together.
You can sit around and feel sorry for yourself, or you could hunt around for a new monologue or a great book on acting.
You can look at gossip magazines, or you could go to the gym.
You can track your friends’ careers, or you could work on your demo and introductory letter.
You can complain about the industry, or you could get involved with your union.
You can feel sad, or you could write a poem.
You can pig out on junk food, or you could take a walk.
You can sit on the couch, or you could drop in to a dance class.
You can hang out on YouTube, or you could email a teacher or friend for advice.
You can do absolutely nothing, or you could do something.

You see? The choices are endless.

And who cares why you’re being lethargic, apathetic, lazy or whatever you want to call it. The point is you can change the situation with minimal effort. Your Actor Self might be whining about being useless or untalented and “what’s the point”, but it is your job to take charge and lead your Actor Self into action.  It is your responsibility to find the confidence that our directors and producers are looking for. It is up to you to give that Actor Self something to feel good about. We are creators and we feel good when we create. So create your life by doing something with it.

You’ve only got one life. It’s all yours. What are you waiting for?

Do one thing. Do it now.
Get over yourself and take action.
Before you run off to do errands, or go to your joe-job, do one thing for your Actor Self, and stop waiting.
Because not waiting, doesn’t suck.

Besides which, you might actually get out and see people, experience something, open your mind, find your confidence or even…wait for it…. enjoy life in some small way. Can you imagine that? – An actor enjoying life outside of acting and not drowning in the depths of depression?
What a concept, I know. But it is possible. All you need is the wish to feel good, the desire to feel stimulated, and the yearning to be in control of your own life.

The action of choice will change your life.
So stop waiting and go do something already!

How to Choose Your Acting Jobs:

1. Does the project or role excite you or challenge you in some way?
2. Do you get to work with a renowned actor, director or producer, or will the project further your career in some way?
3. If you have said no to both of the above, does the amount of pay make up for it?

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gumption, n. ingenuity, imagination, astuteness, shrewdness, common sense, practicality, spirit, pluck, mettle, courage, BACKBONE

Recently I was offered an acting job that would have kept me employed for a solid four months. There was a time in my life where I would have jumped with glee and said “Yes!!” without a second thought. This time, however, I hesitated.

I began to stress out about whether I should or should not take the job. I was worried about giving up an opportunity and not knowing when the next one might come along. I mean, I’m an actor, I should just say yes, thank you, when do you want me to show up? But I just couldn’t do it.

There were so many things about this job that would make me unhappy, and being away from home, over winter, working on something less than exciting which certainly wouldn’t further my career, was just depressing.

Had I come so far and sacrificed so much for unhappiness? No, of course not. But I felt obliged to take it. I had the fortune to be hired for a job, what right had I to say no? I’m just an actor.

Funny thing is, in most other facets of my life, I would never do that. If it did not feel right, I would not do it. I wouldn’t feel bad about it, or worry about it. I’d go with my instincts and if they said, no, that was that. Why then do I become a wishy-washy, whiny, worry-wart just because it’s related to acting?
And then I realized, it’s because I don’t feel like I have  the right to anything.
But you know what?

Actors are people too.

In fact, we are strong, courageous, adventurous people. We are plucky, imaginative and astute. We are amazing people. We do not need to dance for every bone that gets thrown our way. We don’t. We can wait for the tender, meaty parts. – Okay, so I didn’t mean to refer to us as dogs. What I meant was: we are worthy.

We are worthy.

We are worthy of waiting for better opportunities. We are worthy of declining jobs that depress or demean us. We are worthy of having standards of our own making. I am worth saying no to a job that will offer me anything less than what I need at this time.

Money, yes I need that, but if I can hold out until another opportunity comes my way, then why not wait. But when will that be, we all ask.
I don’t know.

What I do know is that another opportunity always comes. It always does. It will come in some way, shape or form that will likely be unexpected and at a time when you are at your wits end.  No doubt about it. What if this is the opportunity, this job that I’m saying no to?
Oh well. Another one will come.
You can bet your backbone on it.

How to Handle Humiliation:

1. Allow yourself one day to sulk, lick your wounds, hide and eat your favorite treat.
2. Go exercise and begin to break down the facts of the event – what happened, what did you do or not do to make this happen.
3. Build yourself up and get perspective by focusing on technique, taking a class, talking to a mentor or teacher and remember that because of this time, you will do better next time.

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Oh man. Do you know that feeling? The one where you actually wish you could drop into the floor, where you feel your body physically trying to leave the room as you attempt to keep your cool, and you hold on to some semblance of a calm expression as you feel steam coming out of your every pore. It’s an awful, sick, sick feeling. Humiliation. Perhaps the worst feeling there is.

I remember feeling the hot and sticky, ickyness of humiliation one particular day. I had just blown an audition. I tried to mumble thank yous as I walked out of the room, but my voice was thick and husky. I was humiliated and there was no one and nothing to blame, but myself.

I didn’t know what had happened. I completely lost my lines, I felt disoriented, confused, and I couldn’t hear the director, just the echo of my own voice in my head. For some reason I couldn’t find myself, I couldn’t find my feet and get grounded. I had experienced stage fright.

Stage fright? Me? After all this time, in the middle of nowhere? I called up my very first acting teacher and proceeded to bawl and blubber in to the phone. With the voice of a saint and the wisdom of years she suggested I spend some time in voice class  and get back to basics. Now this was something I had not done in a while….

It was the best advice I could have gotten. By getting back to basics, I realized how much I’d grown. I also realized that I had been taking short cuts in a way that did not support my acting work when I was under duress. Most importantly, it reminded me about process. I had begun to put so much pressure on myself to get the job that it all became about the end product, and worse, it was about trying to give the auditioners what they wanted.

This is an impossible and destructive feat.

If you don’t know what they want, and you’re trying to give them what they want….then what on earth are you doing? You’re not focused, you’re not in the moment, you’re not making strong, simple choices. You are failing. You are failing yourself and you are failing them, so get the hell off that stage and out of that audition room until you sort yourself out.

Clearly it’s time to get back to basics and revisit the foundations of your acting training.

And THAT, my friends, is what humiliation can do for you.

How to be Inspired by Frustrating People:

1. Identify a person who bugs you and rubs you the wrong way.
2. Take a deep breath. Take a few.
3. Observe, take note and be inspired.

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I was shaking my head on the way home after a somewhat harrowing day. Why me? Why oh why do I have to be in the midst of these crazies? Okay, they’re not crazies, they are really challenging people who give me the crazies! These are people who rub me the wrong way and with whom my patience just dries up. They are usually demanding in some way, and always exhausting.

I couldn’t understand what role these people might possibly play in my life, other than being the cause of a premature coronary or some serious, stress-related health issue. Just as I was considering changing my identity and relocating, it dawned on me that perhaps there was a gift in here somewhere. Difficult people might be a gift? Right.

But you see, because of them we are actually able to clearly see what happens in the human psyche and within human relationships.

A difficult person has a dominating aspect(s) in their character. This colors everything they do and say, and clearly affects those they come in to contact with (for better or for worse.) The awakening is that these people have these magnified aspects of personality, which enables us to see, study and perhaps understand why they are the way they are and how they (dys)function in the world.

What a gift! What a way to study character, to contemplate psychological development and increase understanding of the human condition: all things helpful in creating characters, and understanding ourselves better. And of course the more we understand ourselves, the more we can offer ourselves in our acting work.

These people are walking psychological experiments all for the taking. They give us the opportunity to really see what happens in the human psyche and within human relationships. What other opportunity is there for studying someone so fascinating and so complex?

So invite them in, I say, and study away.
Besides which, this just might make them a teeny bit easier to deal with.

How to Change What Is:

1. Look at what is.
2. Look at what could be.
3. Do one thing to close that gap. Repeat.

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Walking into an audition is about what you bring in to the room.
We’ve all heard that phrase. It means that all the worry and insecurity that sits in our bodies walks in to the room with us. It also means that all the warmth, and curiosity, and magic we each possess walks in with us too. So how do you keep that bright part of yourself alive, audition after audition? Spend time on things you love, and find opportunities for change.

One small change can have huge results. That one change will lead you to a moment of  inspiration that will change your monologue forever. That one change will allow you to identify what is not working for you in your auditions. One change will make you feel as if you are actually in charge of your own life. Which you are.

YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

YOU, not your agent, not the casting director, not the director, the producer, the writer or the assistant. YOU. It’s all you, baby.

You are in charge of what you do (or don’t do) with your time. YOU are in charge of YOUR life.
And if you don’t feel this way, one change will change that.

So, how about an experiment:

1. Think of one thing – not work related – that you enjoy doing.
What do you enjoy doing? Do you like to read, walk, run, play video games, cook, knit, work out, play with your cats, or visit friends?

2. Set a goal for a week from now.
For example: In one week I will – finish a book, walk 4km, improve my running time by 30 seconds, beat my best score on my favorite video game, cook at least 2 new recipes, make sure I do coffee with 2 different friends, play with my cats for 15 minutes a day every single day, finish knitting that darn scarf.

3. Observe the choices you make.
At the end of the week take note. What kinds of choices did you make to fulfill your goal? Was it doable? Did you have fun? Did funny things happen? How did it affect your approach to your acting work? (rehearsals, classes etc.) Did you have new anecdotes to share?

You see it’s not so much about achieving the goal, it’s about the fact that you made choices for yourself about something you wanted. Having that one simple goal for yourself changes the choices you make, which changes what you do and how you feel. And you know what?  – You are what you do, and you look how you feel.

Imagine fulfilling this goal, and having an audition during the same week. What would you walk into the audition room with:

• a sense of accomplishment and capability
• a quiet sense of pleasure and excitement
• new surety in yourself
• joy at your accomplishment

You will feel all this, because you have spent a week fulfilling yourself in some way. The Auditioners will see a confident, happy person, who seems interesting and who has a lot going on within. They will see someone they would like to know better, and would love to work with.

Spending a little time doing things we enjoy, outside of work, is so important to maintaining a balanced life and healthy state of mind. It also helps us find new inspiration and creativity, which in turn makes us feel more fulfilled. It nurtures our Actor self and feeds the parts of ourselves that attract people to us. Which is why finding opportunities for change and fulfilling simple, personal goals will keep you shining, audition after audition.